I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize