I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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