sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
