they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you had me at cake vodka
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize