Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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