chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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