I wanna bring you to show and tell
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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