it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
