my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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