I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
