She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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