apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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