I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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