I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
