I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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