I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
