i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
