the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She bit a glass in half.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
did you just send me my own nude
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
