Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
