dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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