Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
