Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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