Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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