Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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