we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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