Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
