On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
