I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
