I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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