ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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