I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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