I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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