Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish my penis had a tongue
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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