tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
