it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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