is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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