the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
