I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
