My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize