Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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