Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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