I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wish there were birth control emojis
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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