dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
