if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
