D3 body, D1 cock
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
