yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
