ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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