Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
