Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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