Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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