sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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