well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
