I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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