god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
