I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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