girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
