I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
