i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
