i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
