It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
