i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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