Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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