last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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