She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize