he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
