just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
