If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
