So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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