Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
