My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
