NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
