Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
