i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dude. I can hear the air.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
