I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
