awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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